May 04, 2011

Words of Love

Dear Diary
I knew my friends thought of me as a sister and a best friend but this has to be one of the sweetest, most caring, thoughtful thing a friend has ever done for me to show me that they love, support and care about me. What they did totally made my day.

My day had started off wonderfully, when I woke up I rushed around my room tidying it up, putting my books that mom and Dallas brought me in my bedside table, swept the floor, beat the small rug beside my bed until I was certain that there was no more traces of dust on it, though it wasn't dusty at all. Then I cleaned the bathroom with so much cleansing supplies that I started to feel lightheaded from smelling the Frebreeze freshness of spring rain in that small room but at least the appliances sparkled like diamonds and were free from any disgusting odours and germs.

Then it was a marathon of literally jumping into a almost scolding shower and cleansing with a whole lot of soap until every inch of my skin was clean and then poured a whole bunch of shampoo, probably too much, into my hand then scrubbed until i swear my scalp was raw making sure that every inch of my hair was clean then rubbed a whole palm full of conditioner into my hair coating each strand just cause the special someone who was coming today wanted to play with my hair or wrap it around his finger.

You are probably wondering who this "special guy"" I keep talking about who is coming for his annual visit and who I wanted everything to be perfect for and go according to my plan that I had for the visit. My sweet, sensitive, caring, funny, supportive and totally handsome best friend Sterling Knight who I have been in love with for 3 years is coming for a visit, which is the main reason i want everything to be perfect.

Anyway after my shower, I rushed around my room trying on all the dresses that I had begged my mom to bring me on one of her visits cause I wanted to look beautiful for my special guy, even though my mom reassured me everytime I freaked out over one of his annual visits that Sterling is the kind of guy who thinks look beautiful with no makeup and dressed in casual clothes, like yoga pants, and that he was coming to see me not to see how clean my room is so stop freaking.

But that didn't stop me from trying on every dress and sending it to Tiff for her advice on what i should wear, she stopped looking at the pictures I sent her after the first 10 dresses and just repeated what my mom has said though she said that Sterling has been in love with me for 3 years, how he was always commenting how beautiful I look in any of my costumes even my "Sicky Vicky" outfit and would stare at me with drool coming out of the corner of his mouth, eyes wide and glazed over until someone hit his arm, waved a hand in front of his eyes and practically yelled in his ear his name then when he came back to Earth he would blush like crazy and try to deny the fact that he had just been staring at me.

OMG I knew that Sterling had to have more then friendly feelings for me cause the sweet, sensitive, caring and more importantly loving actions towards me and way he is around me, calling me "sweetie" and "honey", holding my hand when we are sitting beside each other, touching my shoulder, hand, waist and the small of my back with the lightest touch so that I couldn't really tell if he is even touching me and sometimes when I catch him watching me I swear I can see love and adoration mixed with respect shining from his eyes directed towards me., is so not how Dougie and Brand treat me, those two love me like a sister and I love them like brothers.

I practically glowed and smiled like a mile wide when someone would tell me that Sterling loved me as much as I loved him cause that would be my dream come true if Sterling really did love me, then we could confess our true feelings for each other, kiss (man do I love kissing Sterling in the show, his lips are so soft like cloud and smell like blueberries and he definitely tastes really yummy almost as much as he is yummy looking too ;), and start to date.

I would love to date Sterling, I know he would be a gentlemen towards me, he wouldn't do anything to embarrass me, trash-talk me, put me down or anything else to hurt me either physically or emotionally. He would be the guy who wouldn't be afraid to be all romantic, sweet, caring and sensitive with the same amount in public as he will do when we are alone, he won't be afraid to show his friends and the world how much he loves me cause I will most defiantly be the attentive, caring, loving, romantic, affectionate and supportive girlfriend to him that will be more then willing to show him as much I love, adore and respect him in public as well as privately cause I love Sterling 100%.

Anyway back to my obsessive dress routine, after I picked a baby pink dress that just flitter around my knees and was strapless paired with the matching white sweater with a crochet neckline, white tights and some black heels, my hair, makeup and accessories were my next hard choices. I put 5 lipstick on the mirror and "tried" them on one by one until I found a light pink that went perfectly with my outfit, then it was time for earrings, I already was wearing the silver ring Sterling gave me to remind me that when I was on tour countries away from my loved ones I was never really alone, he, my family and my close and dear friends were only a text away and to remind me also that no matter what time of night or day he would be thinking of me and wishing I was with him.

Ok so I know that I might have gone overboard with getting all dressed up for someone who wasn't my boyfriend, well not yet anyway, but I wanted to make sure that I looked my best for my sweet Sterling so he would know that I made such an effort to make him happy and feel special cause if it was my mom or my other friends who were coming to visit me, I love you guys, I would still clean but not spend so much time on my appearance. If I went this crazy before Sterling and I dated then imagine how crazy and obsessed I would get when getting ready for our 1st official date.

Anyway, when Sterling finally arrived, I, of course, accepted the hugs storing them into my memory for the lonely nights when I wish that he was snuggled up beside me holding me tight in his strong, loving, protective arms whispering in my ear love songs and words of endearments. As Sterling was telling me what he had been up to since his last visit, 2 weeks ago, mostly hanging out with friends playing video games and playing in the garage band he and his closest friends do, my sweetie is the lead singer thank you very much which is good cause his voice is so awesome, I saw him taking out a video.

When I asked him what the video was about he said that our friends had ambushed him and asked him the nest time that he saw me to give me this video of love and encouragement. Aww how sweet and caring are my friends that they would take time to make a video for me to express their love and encouragement to me though I already know that they love and support me from the many phone calls they have done to my mom asking about my health and well being almost every week.

T: "Hey sweetie. I hope that this tape finds you healthy and happy. I miss you so much; I find myself picking up my phone to text you whenever i think of something either funny or inspiriting or just to have our 2 am conversations in which the conversation never runs out and we never get bored of and then get really sad when I remember that you won't be there to pick up.

Even though I know that where you are is the best place for you right now to deal with any issues you may have hidden from your past or recent events that made you think that you were less of a person, which isn't true you are one of the most honest, genuine, sweet and caring person I know and I'm not just saying that cause you are one of my best friends and "younger sister". (Tiffany winks). i just hope you know that you can talk to me and anyone else in our small family about anything that is bothering you cause like i said we at "Sonny with a Chance" are family and families stick together through thick and thin.

I miss laughing with you, joking around with you and talking long pointless, "girlie" talk, as the gents would say, I miss my Dems, you always made going to the set so much more fun even if "Tawni" and "Sonny" are fighting, it only makes it even more fun cause we both know that the words being said don't really mean anything. You are not only my "sister" but my best friend, someone I can always talk to about anything and know that I will get a truthful, insightful, helpful, loving answer and that you're just as comfortable with me to do the same.

Anyway, I'm getting all choked up and I don't want this to be a sad video so i'm just going to finish off with I love you and I can't wait for the day you come home, I'm counting down the days until then". (Tiffany blows a kiss).

B: " Hi Demster. I hope girl that you are doing well and that the doctors are treating our Demi well and helping you to deal with your demons cause if not then they will get the disproving shake of our head at them not doing their jobs. (Brandon laughs).

I miss you "baby sister", life on the set isn't the same, I mean we still laugh, joke, josh around on set but it doesn't have the same intensity or brings us the same joy as when we are doing all that with you beside us, life just seems to much more brighter with you in it. And we aren't the only ones who think that,your loyal, devoted fans, family and close, personal, real friends know that your presence in their life makes it that much brighter and better.

Dems, don't forget that you and your beautiful, genuine, sweet and caring personality teach the people that come into your life that there is nothing you can't do if you belive in yourself and with blood, sweat, tears, hope and faith you can reach your dreams and your full potential. You also teach people that the best way to live is by being yourself and being real and not caring if some people have a problem with that, everyone should be free to be themselves, think they way they want and act the way they want to.

Anyway, i just wanted to say that I love you, I miss you and when you get out, honey we are all having a huge party to welcome you back to the place where you are loved by so many people, more then you can ever know where you will be smothered with so many hugs and kisses so you better be ready for that. Take care of yourself girl." (Brandon waves at the camera).

D: " Hi honey. I miss you so much. B-Fresh and I have no one to tell us how bad our childish prank is and how our victim, mostly Sterling, sorry Sterling, is going to so get us back 10x when we get caught but in a nice, sweet caring way that is disigned to not ruin our self esteem or insult our intelligence, which is one of the reasons I love you so much.

You are such a genuine person, you put things into persepctive and aren't afraid to tell people what you think of them and their actions but you could nver anger people or insult people cause like I already said, you say it in a gentle, soothing, non threatening tone. Some people may take offense, not to what you are saying it or how you are saying it but to the fact that you, unlike them, are afraid to be themselves or they might get in trouble with their "friends" so they unfortunately tease and bully people like you.

Just remember sweetie that you are as strong as you want to be and you Ms Lovato are one of the strongest young women I know. You are just having a slight bump in that road to being strong but I know that you definitely have changed from being a insecure, down on herself, sad prisoner of bullying and circumstances out of your control since being in the centre and with the love and support of everyone who loves you, which is a lot of people, you will once again be the strong minded, genuine person who all know and love.

Can't wait to see you once again, we have a lot of catching up to do once you get out so we should all have a sleepver, like the children we sometimes act like, where we stay up all night chatting and reminsicing about good, happier times to bring up the mood. I love you and I can't wait to see you. Take care of your sweetie."

A: " Hey Demi. Man do I miss you. I miss having my "older sister" giving me girl advice on makeup, clothing and boys or anything else that I need to chat about. Cause you are always there for me, whenever I need you, even if it is 8:00 at night and you are asleep. One text from me saying "I need help"" and you are fully awake as you dial my number or respond to my text. Then you stay up with me until you are satisfied that my conflict, no matter how small it may be, is over.

I wish people out there could see how truly one of a kind you are, you are one of the sweetest, caring, genuine, funniest and most real person I know and your beautiful personality just draws people in and I have only met some people who didn't instantly love you. Those people who don't instantly fall in love with you don't really know you at all. They are just imature that they don't try to find out more about the person for the person themselves instead of listening to what others says about them.

I know that after you are done with the treatment centre and get your "Demi-ness" back, you will come back to a life where you will be surrounded by all the love, acceptance and one filled with new experiences, laughter, joy, friendship love and more people that will finally recognize what me, your friends, your family and of course your fans already knew; that you are a wonderful person inside and out as well as being a very talented singer and actress, I'm pretty sure you can try anything once and blow everyone away, an example is your dramatic yet wonderful role in Grey's Anatomy. I expect even more wonderful things from you in the near future and I can't wait for that to happen to you, you totally derserve some happiness after what you have been through lately.

I love you and can't wait to see you though Sterling keeps us updated so much about you and your progress in the centre,so much that it is like we are there with you during your visit there going through what you have been going through though no one can ever know what goes on in that head of hers except you. Take care of yourself sissy. Kisses and hugs (Allison blows a kiss to the camera" then waves).

During watching my best friend's videos, i was of course tearing up, I mean who wouldn't tear up when you hear such sweet, caring and heartwarming things being said about you. It definitely made my sefl esteem rise if some of the people who were the closest to me could see inside my heart and see the real me that I felt I had to hide sometimes for fear that some of the people out there wouldn't like the resd me so they would try their hardest to bring me down.

I love each and every one of them so much, they have always been there for me during my times of low self-esteem, bad times and good times to pick me up, comfort me, love me, just generally be my friend and be there for me through everything. They are true friends who would be there for me and I know that they will never ever leave me hanging when life becomes tough and grey and when I need a supportive hand and a shoulder to cry on, they will be there to pick me up and encourage to brush off the bad stuff and move on with my life to better things. They love me just the way I am and wouldn't change me for anything, they know me inside and out, they know the real Demi just like I know each other of them inside and out. That is what 3 years of close-like family friendship gives you, friendships that you know will be the forever kind of relationship. I can't wait to get out of here and back to my family, both biologically and my heart family. Now to enjoy my time with my guy.

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