"Sterling kissed me, Sterling kissed me, Sterling kissed me" was what my mind kept chanting over and over again and I had million watt smile on my face that my face was starting to hurt but I didn't care at all if my face split in half from my wide wide smile I would just tape it back together with as much masking tape as I could and then continue to smile even through the cracks.
I thought I was estatic and on Cloud 9 when the producer of "Sonny with a Chance" finally wrote into the script that after a year of veiled flirting and boughts of affection "Sonny" and "Chad" finally started to date, which means that after fliritng and shelling out little bits of affections; a light touch on the arm or shoulder, sweet endearments falling from our lips (To this day Sterling has called me "honey", "sweetie", "sweetheart" "brown eyes" and his very own personal nickname for me that no one else has tried to copy cause they know that even if they did call me "Dem Dem", it wouldn't have the same impact, everytime Sterling calls me sweet endearments or his own nickname I feel shivers going up and down my spine and my heart feels light).
I even went further up from Cloud 9, if that is even possible, went beyond estatic and this day definetly was up there on "The Best Day of My Life" which included doing every concert I have ever done for my loyal and devoted fans, my "sleepovers" with my best friends and meeting my blue eyes Sterling. I actually got to kiss Sterling on the lips (insert girlish screams and jumping up and down), omg someone up there has blessed me once again cause I got to lock lips with the sweetest, kindest, most sensitive, most romantic guy I have ever met and who I will ever met.
I even pretended to screw up the kiss scene, I would get too eager, um wouldn't you if you know that you got to kiss a super handsome guy even if it is in front of the camera, and kiss Sterling too early, I have been wishing and dreaming about being able to feel Sterling's sweet, plump, raspberry lips, can you tell I have been staring at his lips whenever he talked to me for awhile now?, against mine for as long as I can remember and so with that I'm totally taking the shot given to me cause it might be the one way to feel how it feels to kiss him.
Our kiss was made better with the fact that I have my arms around my Prince Charming's neck and was staring into those deep, sky colored portals of warmth, love and into his soul so that you can see every inch of his soul. I could drown in them as I stare in them, I could stare in them for a long time and not get bored, though it does take me quite a shock to the system ,usually someone calling my name practically in my ear, waving a hand right in my face like at my nose etc, to get me out of my "Sterling daydream". I still remember every second, every moment of that kiss even if it was 12 months ago, I remember it like it was yesterday.
I never thought that doing a kissing scene could ever be topped but ladies and gentlemen we have a winner. I still can't believe that I have actually kissed Sterling without any cameras to capture the sweet, romantic moment that just happened between me and the man of my dreams, though I seem to have a video camera in my brain that has no trouble relaying every moment in parasound and color every moment of each day.
And now I will tell you my little diary how this magical, romantic moment happened so that I can not only relieve it inside my head but also can read it just incase my mind forgets this moment, though I don't think I ever will. It was like something from romantic movies that I will always remember for as long as I live, I mean it not only got me one of my dreams coming true, to kiss Sterling without any cameras, but also my dream prince. Freak Out Time!: After our kiss Sterling asked me to be his girlfriend (squeal like crazy).
Sterling had asked me if I wanted to to have lunch with him in the studio's cafeteria which of course I immediately said "yes" too, he even didn't get to complete the answer before I answered. I will take any time I get with my guy alone, even if it might disturb my time with my other best friends I mean I love them very much but I love Sterling a little more.
So we were walking to the cafe, hands just brushing each other but both of us too scared to take the next step of actually taking the other's hand, and we had ordered our food, Sterling ordered a hamburger with a cesar salad and I ordered chicken wrap with a small fruit salad and both of us got a chocolate milk. Instead of going to an empty table, Sterling gently touched my arm and gestured me outside into the California summer sunshine where we sat on his coat, what a gentlemen putitng a coat down so that we had something to sit on, and ate our lunch while we chit chatted about the week's episode, it's part 1 of the one where "Sonny" keeps getting into trouble with the media but she is being set up by someone.
Then it was as if someone upstairs for some reason wanted to end our sweet picnic sooner then I would have liked; I would have loved to stay out there for the rest of the day or as long as I could with Sterling under the sun shinning down on us warming us on the outside and warming each other with our love on the inside. It started to rain, it wasn't just a gentle spring rain lightly sprinkling on us but it poured buckets on us. We had to gather up Sterling's coat, Sterling helped me up by lightly but hurriedly holding me by my waist and then we ran like the dickens to the studio doors.
When we got to the doors we stood there just panting from having to run pretty far from where our pinic was and were dripping wet, every inch of us were soaked to the bone so there was also the fact that we couldn't stop shivering. Plus the doors were locked so we had to buzz for the security to let us in. Once again my sweetie was a gentlemen, what else is new? He took my hand, ok so now my hand is dry cause when we touched I felt an electric shock going through my body at his touch. I have the perfect idea; how about Sterling gives me a huge hug? That will definetly dry us both up quickly, it would be like we were in a dryer, all warm, toasty and use electricity to dry clothes quickly. I love that idea.
Sterling apoligized that our picnic was ruined by Mother Nature, it turns out that he had been looking for a way for us to spend some time together alone and he had jumped on the chance of the weather being beautiful to have a picnic with me. He had throughly enjoyed the time with me cause he missed me cause spending time with me is one of the highlights of his week (aww), I have kind of been busy with my family and learning my lines and cues that I haven't really been all mentally there for him and our friends, my mind has been a whirlwind lately.
We just stood there in kind of uncomfortable silence after his sweet confession, Sterling trying to find my gaze but me trying not to catch his gaze as I was a little overwhelmed at what a sweet and wonderful afternoon in the sunshine with Sterling had been, the fact that I didn't want it to ever end and once the guard comes to open the door, we would have to seperate so I was trying to relive each moment in my head for when Sterling and I had to split because of our seperate scenes.
Sterling took my chin and gently put my face up so that I was once again staring deep into his beautiful eyes which stuned me into silence, my mind was telling me to look away or I would become a pile of goop at his feet or a mindless zombie helpless to Sterling's wishes, not that Sterling would misuse that ability, he's too sweet to treat me like a slave.
Sterling and I just stood there staring at each other, the world spining around us while we are standing still, it's like time stood still just for us while the world keeps going oblivious to what was going in our hearts. Sterling gently took my face in his hands and then after a loving gaze he kissed me.
It was like I was being kissed by a cloud that had angels playing harps, Sterling's lips were so gentle on mine, it was like they were hardly there. What a gentlemen making sure that I don't feel pressured to kiss him back or that he is rushing me, he is taking his time to let me know that I'm so loved by him. Oh believe me sweetie I know that you love me truly and deeply but thank you for keeping my feelings into consideration.
Of course I kissed back, I mean I had wanted to kiss Sterling for years now cause I had been in love with him for that long. I wanted to share my heart's truest desires to him through my kisses and thank him for being so patient while I sorted out the things and people that are not only important to me but also important to me having the life that I have only dreamed about and not pressuring me to be anything then who I am and who my mom and dad raised.
Darn it our magical and wonderful kiss was cut short unexpectedly when Gerry the Guard opened the door. Sterling and my face was like beet red with embarassment, like I said time seemed to stand still so it was a rude awakening to have time return to its normal pace without informing us before it does so we could maybe possibly stop kissing, though I don't want to ever stop kissing Sterling, and not be so embarassed as we are right now.
Sterling whispered in my ear: "" I have to go on set now but believe me this isn't over. We have to talk about we both want this relationship to go cause I know where I want it to go but I want to make sure you are on the same page as me." Then with a soft kiss to my check he left. OMG I will never wash this check again for fear that I will wipe off any trace of my sweetie's tender kiss and I will resist the urge to touch and lick my lips, yes I would get the trace of his chapstick which tastes like mint and maybe even the sensation of my lips being warm from his tender carass but I don't want anything to disturb the evidence that Sterling just kissed me.
I felt like I was in a love daze, a cloud of smoke where everything looked blurry. I never even responded to poor Gerry's comment if I wanted him to get me some drier clothes, I just walked like a lovestruck zombie, complete with a blank look on my face to my dressingroom to get dried off. I changed my clothes into a lavender long sleeved shirt and dark blue jeans then it was like a light had been shined in my mind cause I fell onto the couch with a loud girlish squeal complete with feet kicking with glee and loud exclaimations of joy.
Suddenly my girlish acts were cut short when a strangely familiar tune began to play in my head and then my heart took up the tune until I was up from my chair and singing my heart's desires. I pulled open the door and practically danced down the hall still singing in my very own personal love dream. I don't even remember if I even knocked anyone down in the hallway but I'm sorry if I did, I can't help it I'm an women in love who probably looked incredibly silly dancing down the hall singing to a song with music only I can hear with a dumb smile on my face.
"I can hear the bells, well don't you hear 'em chime? Can't you feel my heart-beat keeping perfect time? And all because he...
He looked at me and stared yes he..."
When Sterling looks at me and touches me, even if it's only a soft touch on the elbow or shoulder, my heart speeds up like a racecar going it's top speed until it seems like it's about to jump out of my chest for everyone to see, ok so that is more gross then romantic but you get the picture of what a glance or touch from Mr Sterling Knight does to my poor fragile body.
Also when Sterling looks at me with his soft, gentle loving gaze even if it is only brief, I melt into the floor leaving a love struck puddle on the floor or even a tongue-tied ackward young girl who is so afraid that she will say or do anything to look like an idiot in front of the man she loves that she just stands there breathing in any forms of affection from a guy, wow that makes me sound like a lovesick teenager who is desperate for any affection that she will do anything for it.
My heart was unprepared when he...
And knocked me off my feet, one little touch now my life's complete 'cause when he...
Love put me in a fix yes it...
Just like a tonne of bricks, yes my heart burst now I know what life's about, one little touch and love's knocked me out
When I was a little girl I dreamed about finding my very own Prince Charming, like all the Disney Princesses , and live happily ever after with him. I even wrote down a list of my dream guy's qualities after my first boyfriend broke up with me and have been adding to it with every failed relationship, I hoped that one day I would find that particular person who fitted all the qualities I was looking for.
Love knocked off my socks and knocked me to the ground the day I met Sterling, I thought he was super handsome. I even had a slight celebrity moment for a second, you know when you know what you want to say but your brain and mouth don't connect in order for those words to come out so all you can do is stare at that person.
I soon found out that he was just as handsome inside as he was on the outside, he's sweet, caring, sensitive, romantic, not afraid to show his dorky and romantic, loving side to the people he loves whether in public or private. In general Sterling Knight is a genuine person and any women would be lucky enough to have his love or be in his life, good thing it seems like I'm going to be that special lady in his life. Ya Me!
"I can hear the bells,
My head is spinning.
I can hear the bells,
Everybody says that a girl who looks like me can't win his love well just wait and see 'cause...
I can hear the bells,
Just hear them chiming,
I can hear the bells,
My temperature's climbing,
I can't contain my joy 'cause I've finally found the boy I've been missin'
I can hear the bells."
Whenever I'm around or think of Sterling my head feels like its spinning and I can't help but feel suddenly hot, hot enough that I start to subtly fan myself. I'm sure that if someone took my temperature whenever I'm around Sterling it would show a high fever like temperature. I can't help how my body reacts when I'm around Sterling, it is like he is the other half of my heart and this is just my soul and heart telling me that I have found the One.
I know that there are some girls out there who don't think I would be a suitable match for Sterling because of my past discretions. Well excuse me but my parents always taught me that in order to succeed in life and have the life you want you have to not be afraid to make mistakes as long as you learn from them and move on to better yourself into the best version of you.
Who can say that they haven't made choices that you have looked back and kicked your own butt at how dumb and wrong they were and how could you not have known that at the time? I know that no one can say that so why bother to hate on people who aren't afraid to make mistakes and learn from them.
This is gonna sound a little conceited but I think that Sterling and I would make a good couple and that is not because I'm so in love with him. Family, friends and fans are #1 in our lives as they are our backbone, one of the reasons we do what we do aka act and have singing careers. The other reason is because we are doing something we love doing, making people laugh, feel happy and inspired to work hard towards their dreams no matter what obstacles they might face.
Sterling and me are both genuine people, thanks to our parents, we aren't afraid to be ourselves, whether it was being a dork or acting our age, around everyone we meet. We both wear our hearts on our sleeves and give so much of ourselves, we would give people all we can and more if they ask, which sometimes leads us to be walked over or viewed as weak or a pushover. There is so many other qualities that I could go on and on about that makes me and Sterling a perfect couple but I don't think I will.
"He'll ask me on a date, and then...
I'll primp but won't be late, because
When we kiss inside his car!
Won't go all the way but I'll go pretty fa-ar
He'll ask me for my hand, and then...
We'll book the wedding band, so by...
Haters, much to your suprise, this "nobody" takes the prize and"
I can't wait for Sterling to come back so we can finalize our relationship, you know say "I Love you"" which has been on the tip of my tongue for years everytime I am around Sterling and plan our very 1st date. Knowing my guy, it will be so sweet, romantic and personal like a picnic in the park, homemade of course, complete with dancing to slow music playing on a battery powered radio under the stars holding each other close Sterling whispering in my ear sweet nothings.
The week of our date I would spent every chance I get to find the perfect outfit out of the thousands of dresses I have cause I need to look absolutely gorgeous for my guy cause you know that Sterling will look super duper handsome. I would be bugging mom and Tiff mercilessly by making them sit and watch me freak out over each outfit and asking them for their opinion. Then after picking the perfect dress I would obsess over the accessories like earrings and of course make-up though I know that Sterling isn't really a fan of make-up, just enough to enhance your inner beauty.
Contray to what people's opinion of me based on my clothing choices and my ex-boyfriends, I'm not someone who just puts out to her boyfriends. Please I have class and values, I do kiss my boyfriends but that is because it is a simple sign of affection that I wished to pass on to them. I mean I didn't love them but I liked them enough to want to kiss them. But I would never make out with someone, that's not me, plus I think that kind of intimacy is only acceptable for a married couple to express their undying love for each other.
I may love Sterling more then I ever thought possible and would love to kiss him any chance I can along with any other forms of affection. I have already discribed how his kisses make me feel in earier diary entries so
I won't bother you with the deets again. But I won't let Sterling get past 1st base then again Sterling is a gentlemen so he wouldn't pressure me into being more intimate with him then my values will allow me and he will understand what we can do because his parents have taught him the same values as mine have.
Wow I must be in love cause even though Sterling and I haven't even gone on a date, I'm already thinking of
being married to Sterling. I know that when he pops the question, it will be in the most romantic place. Heck he could even propose live, either in front of my fans at a concert or on the set of my TV show with our friends, family and my co-workers and I would still think it was the most romantic proposal cause I know that where ever Sterling proposes he will do it with a touching, sweet, romantic speech from the heart.
Then for the planing of the wedding, I defiently won't be a Bridezilla. I mean I do want mine and Sterling's wedding to be as perfect as it can get, I want it to be a day to remember, cause how often does a girl marry the man of her dreams?, so I would want my fiancee's opinion on everything from the flowers, the decor and the cake. I want him to be as involved as he can with our wedding cause it's his wedding too not just mine and I want him to be proud of how well our wedding was arranged cause there is no planner, it's just us and our friends\families helping us plan it. I want Sterling to be proud of our wedding like I will be.
"I can hear the bells,
My ears are ringing,
I can hear the bells,
The brides-maids are singing,
Everybody says that a guy who's such a gem, won't look my way well the laughs on them 'cause
I can hear the bells,
My father will smile,
I can hear the bells,
As he walks me down the isle,
My mother starts to cry but I can't see 'cause Sterling and I are french kissin'"
As dad is walking me down the aisle I will have such a grin on my face that people will probably ask me if my face is starting to hurt and I will have such a glow around me that by looking at me anybody can tell I'm madly in love with my future husband. Sterling and I will not be able to take our gaze from each other so I would be surprised that my legs would work of walking me towards my future, though to be honest since I'm so in love with Sterling I won't really be walking towards him but really floating inches above the carpet with dad trying to keep my feet on the carpet but he won't be successful.
Daddy will be such a big softie, he will be trying to hold back his tears of both sadness and happines. Sadness because I'm one of his baby girls and this baby girl is leaving home, getting married and starting her own life, even though both Sterling and I will be home as much as we can to visit our families, there is no way we wouldn't. Every parent finds it hard to let their babies go, even if they are old enough to leave home and start their own lives, cause no matter how old a person gets they will always be their parents' babies. I should know cause my mom is still my grandma's baby, even though she is an adult and married with children.
But even though Sterling and mine's parents would be sad to be losing their babies,they also would be crying tears of joy cause their babies found their soulmates and are starting their new life together with sans person. They would be thrilled for us, I'm not completely blind or deaf to the fact that mom has been dropping not so subtle hints that Sterling is the man of my dreams who has the same feelings that I have tried to keep hidden for years for fear that a relationship between us would ruin our friendship. Thanks for trying to be subtle mom.
After Sterling and I have said our personalized vows that will make even the iron hearted break down into tears, we will salute our new marriage with another batch of wonderful, magical, heaven worthy kiss to which we will go into our own world where we can't hear the excess clapping and cheering of our guests as they congradulate us about our marriage through their hands.
I can hear the bells.
"I can hear the bells,
My head is reeling,
I can hear the bells,
I can't stop the peeling,
Everybody warns that he won't like what he'll see but I know that he'll look inside of me yeah..."
I know that once the fans get wind of mine and Sterling's new relationship they will try to convince me that Sterling will soon dump me because even though we have been friends for 3 years, he has had blinders when it comes to me, he only saw the side of me that he wanted to see, my best qualities, and ignored or was blind to my bad qualities which I'm quite sure that they would gladly tell me in as much details as they could. So once the blinders are taken off months after we started dating and Sterling sees the real me, he will dump me faster then they can say "told ya"".
Thanks for the vote of confidence guys, I can always count on you guys to bring my girlish and love struck fantasies into harsh reality that is life but I know in my heart of hearts that Sterling loves me for me, he may not like some of my issues, he would never want to change me into someone I'm not. He loves every inch of me.
I never pretended to be anything other then who I really truly am inside in front of anyone, I might have had some roadblocks that made me try to twik my personality but I never changed so much that made my friends and family worry so much about me that i needed an intervention.
I'm proud to say that if I had a personal issue I never blamed anyone for them. I just worked hard to find the cause of the issues, work towards overcoming it at the source and finding new ways to make sure that the issue doesn't come back. I just want to be the best version of myself as I can be and if I need to work on some things to better myself then so be it. I'm open for change.
"I can hear the bells,
Today's just the start 'cause,
I can hear the bells and,
Till death do us part and,
Even when we die we'll look down from up above remembering the night that we two fell in love, We both will shed a tear and
he'll whisper as we're remanisn
I can hear the bells,
I can hear the bells,
I can hear the bells.
Even though I never want to think about me or anyone I love leaving this world into the next life cause that is a terribly sad and depressing thought cause I would miss them terribly, it would be like there was a hole in my heart that nothing can fill completely up. I am loving the image of Sterling and I old and grey but stil being all lovey dovey with each other, you know holding hands, giving each other loving gazes and calling each other sweet and ok so maybe some corny endearments which would totally gross out our grandchildren.
Sterling would be so wonderful with kids; he would be the daddy ever women would want as the father of their children; kind, patient, understanding, strict when he needs to be, fair, loving, a total pushover for his daughter so he would do the tea parties, dressing up and Barbies,be supportive and fun. I know that he would do anything for his kids, even miss an inportant awards show if his child needed him.
Anyway, I love the idea that one day Sterling and I would reminscene about our own love story, you know what we were feeling at certain exact times in our relationship when we still thought that we would never be more then friends and finally be able to tell the other person how much we were in love with each other at that exact moment in time. We would be all snuggled up into each other's arms, breathing in the other person's scent and just reliquish the fact that we were all alone together cuddling and sharing kisses.
Ok so my lovely daydream about my dream guy and how wonderfully fulfilling and loving Sterling and mine's love story will be and the sound of the bells in my head were interrupted by the loudspeaker announcing that it was time for my scene. When I woke up from my love daze I realized that I was on the other side of the building and my scene was in like 5 minutes so I better run like the wind, throw my costume on and then run to the set before I get into trouble and dream about the next time I can go back into my daydreams once again.