The Reward of Losing

Dear Journal

When I first heard that I had been nominated for "Best Family Movie" because of my role in "Starstruck" I was of course overjoyed and very honoured that the families who had watched "Starstruck" had liked the movie so much that they nominated it for a People's Choice Award. It showed that I was a good actor and that my performance on the big screen was fit for the role, I made the audience believe that I was really was kind of a arrogant jerk who thought that every girl he meets will fall all over him but really deep down he is a down to earth, kind of confused about what he wants out of life teenager.

I was even more overjoyed when I read that my sweetie Demi was not only nominated for "Best Guest Star on a TV Show" but that "Camp Rock 2" was running against "Starstruck" cause it meant that finally people were seeing what I had been seeing for years now; that Ms Demi Lovato was a very talented young women. I know that Demi has been nominated for some other important awards but she has never won any of them because for some reason the other nominees have won before her.

I should know, I not only have voted as much as I possibly could so that she won and have watched the awards show with eager and anticipated eyes cause I had to know if my angel won the award and gotten the recognition she deserves. I would scream like an idiot and bounce up on my butt on the floor in front of the TV when Demi was announced as one of the nominees then fold my hand so tightly that my knuckles would turn white and my eyes would be glued to the screen willing the announcer to say the name that will make my whole night that much better. When her name wasn't announced, my mood would deflate like a balloon blown up to its fullest then it bursts from the pressure. Even though I knew Demi would say: "It doesn't matter if I win or not, it is just an honour to be nominated", I was so disappointed that once again my lady's obvious talent both in acting and in music wasn't recognized.

Demi is once of the most talented young women I know, she excels in everything she tries, she did some acting as a child but mostly had a normal childhood. She didn't start to get very serious in acting until she was 15 years old on "As the Bell Rings", I have tried to watch that show but I can't seem to find the episodes that Demi is in, I want to see how much my baby's acting has improved over the years. Yes I have watched "Camp Rock" and like everyone else out there I was blown away by my angel's beautiful angelic singing voice and her wonderful, very realistic acting as well as watching "Princess Protection Program", even if that was a girl's movie I didn't care if any of my friends teased me about watching a chick flick, if the movie has my Dem Demi in it then I will watch every moment that my angel graces the screen.

I thought "Camp Rock" and "Princess Protection Program" were really cute with good messages; "Camp Rock" with being yourself is the best way to be and believe in yourself and there is nothing you can't do and "PPP" with helping others is the best reward you can get and it doesn't matter who you are, to be a good person you must help others anyway you can. Plus my Demi was in her sweet, innocent, baby-faced young lady on the verge of womanhood so any chance I got to gaze lovingly at her face without her catching me and being kind of wierded out about having something on her face that makes me want to keep gazing at her face i will take any chance I could get.

Demi's acting has much improved over the years of doing two seasons of "Sonny with a Chance" and "Camp Rock 2", it is like she gets herself into the character's head and is able to tape it into their feelings and personality to showcase it to the viewers so they understand what she is about in every circumstances. So has her music, I loved her first two CDs, they were written with heart-warming, heart written, soul touching songs writing at that time; being told by some of the media that since she was in the television business she would have to change her personality and look to fit their "standards", thank God she didn't listen cause I love her knowing that she isn't afraid to be herself, to think the way she wants, to act the way she wants and to be her own person, that is one of the many reasons why I love her so much, she is just a genuine person, and her emotions about her breakups, what guy wouldn't fall head over heels, instantly in love with her and never ever want to let her go? I know that if we ever got together, God willing I would never ever let her go cause I have done the whole instant head over heels in love with her and everyday I fall even more in love with her.

I'm very confident that her 3rd CD will be just as wonderful as her other CDs, I can't wait to hear her new edgier, rockier sound. I'm sure that it will fly off the shelves the first day it comes out into music stores around the world by her loyal, devoted fans who have supported her through her entire career, they love her the way they are and look to her for inspiration on how to live their lives and what kind of people they want to be. I mean Demi taught them that no dream is too small or too far out of reach, any dream paired with hard work, some blood, sweat and tears and lots of wishing and hoping will result in you achieving that dream just like Demi did; she worked super hard at getting into the media business with a lot of disappointments, failed screen tests, blood, sweat, tears and thoughts of "Am I really cut out to be an actress? Do I have the talent to go far as an actress?" and look where she is now; she has starred in 3 movies, guest starred in a very popular drama "Grey's Anatomy" and is a star on the #2 Tween TV show on the Disney Channel and had 2 wildly popular and very personal CDs.

I expect many wonderful things from Demi in the future; maybe guest starring in another drama, she defiantly convinced me that she was a very misunderstood young lady who everyone thought she was a schnioxprenic but really it was because she had a hole in one of her ears that allowed her to hear everything that was going inside her body which made her go out of her mind with frustration because no one believed her that she was a mental patient except one doctor. When "Hallie" threatened to put a needle with some serious medicine in her arm if someone didn't take her seriously, I jumped and was chanting "Please honey, don't do it. I know you aren't crazy" even though I know Demi was just acting.

I would also love to see Demi do another comedy TV show or even a movie cause she has no trouble making me and the rest of the cast laugh with her slightly but adorably quirky self where she isn't afraid to be a goofball, once again an adorable goofball, that brightens everyone around her's life and makes them smile and her one liners that are both scarastic and funny at the same time that you couldn't help but chuckle at. I'm constantly laughing and joking around with Demi whenever we are together so much that my sides hurt like crazy and I can't breathe cause I'm laughing so hard. Demi is defiantly my own little comedian.

I know that whatever Demi does, whether in music or acting, she will be highly successful. I can't wait to see what life has in store for my angel and I will be there every step of the way encouraging her to reach for the stars cause you never know what you are capable of doing unless you try something and of course giving her all of my love even if it is secretly.

Even though I really should have voted for myself on the People Choice Awards website so to greater my own chance of wining something but I couldn't help myself, I voted like almost a hundred times each and everyday give or take for both awards. I know that in my heart of hearts that Demi deserved to win at least one award to show the world that she is a talented person who deserves recognition and if that is at the expense of my own talent not being recognized then so be it, Demi's happiness is more important then my own.

On the night of the awards show, I hunkered down in my nest of blankets with my dinner of curly pasta with grated cheese and a big glass of milk and watched the awards show, well ok if you want to be honest, I read through the awards show but believe me I had one ear open to the awards show so I wouldn't miss my sweetheart's announcement. The show was too boring, it was all filled with people I had no interest in seeing if they won or who was performing and it was long 2 hours long.

It turned out that my sweetie's award or the one we shared together never got announced so I had to go back on the website to check out the results and I was thrilled when I saw my angel's name with a check mark in the "Best Guest Star on a TV Show". I mean it, I actually whooped really loudly and jumped out of my chair dancing like a maniac around my room for a few moments until I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror and noticed how dorky I was and stopped mid dance.

I also noticed in my super happy self that "Camp Rock 2" won their category too. Wahoo two awards for my angel is wonderful news for her, too bad she was still in the treatment centre and couldn't get the night off, she didn't even get to tape an acceptance speech to express how touched and honoured she was to her fans who had voted like crazy that allowed her to win two awards in one night, her family and friends who have supported and loved her her entire life and especially during this difficult time in her life. But we didn't even get that, I know that her fans really really miss seeing her beautiful face with her angelic personality for two whole months and would have loved an acceptance speech, their eyes have probably had their eyes glued to the TV's eager to see their role model win some recognition that she deserves the entire night just like I have and were just as disappointed that I was when they didn't hear Demi's name being called.

My joy was kind of ruined when I read on Twitter that a certain band of brothers were making out thank you tweets to their fans for voting for them as well as the other cast members which was good to see cause without the people who watch the movie and buy its products from dolls to books, the movie would be a failure. Thougth no one cared to ask what was my sweetie's response to winning that award, I know that she would probably pretty much say what the others were saying about how grateful she was that the fans took such an interest in the Camp Rock movies and made it so popular that they had won this award but still she was one of the main stars of the movie and it irked me that she was the only one of the main stars who didn't get a chance to give her own acceptance speech.

Also from what I interupted from them, Kevin and Joe's tweet seemed to come across as kind of arrogant like "Thanks for letting the world see what wonderful actors we are in this little, insignificant movie. We already knew we are wonderful actors, the award wasn't neccessary but it did show all those pathetic losers who thought they even had a shot at beating us that we won again". it could be the fact that 1) I hated arrogant people no matter what the excuse and 2) I'm not really a big fan of the Jonas family after the backstabbing,backturning, gossip, two faced they had been, well I shouldn't have said all the Jonas family cause not all of the members have done those things Nick and Frankie are still friends with Demi, recently.

My tweet: "Well I lost to the jo bros again...so pretty normal I'd say :)" pretty much summed my feelings about losing to them with a secret smile at the end to show my fans that I didn't mean it to be an insult. I not only lost just the award but I also lost my angel to Joe, even if it was only for a month but it was the longest month ever. I hated opening up a magazine and seeing their "love" all over the covers where they, ok so maybe more Demi then anything, about how much they were "in love" and how wonderful it was to find your special someone in your best friend.

It was torture to me; I had been in love with Demi for 3 years and had my heart broken everytime I saw Demi with one of her ex's including Mr Jonas, who according to me didn't deserve her uptmost love, devotion and attention. Why should they? They didn't do anytihng to show her that they felt anything like love or even respect towards her, they didn't spend the time they did have with her, show her any sort of affection and if they did, it wasn't sincere, it was all for show and ended up cheating on my sweetie with either their exes or some other girl which of course broke my angel's heart.

And who do you think was there to hold her close, whisper in her ear that the guys she dated was a jerk who didn't deserve any bit of her, she was a wonderful, beautiful, remarkable young women who needed to find a man who was sweet, devoted, caring, sensitive, not afraid to show his true feelings and how much he loves her both in public and privately the same degree in public and privately settings.

That's right me, I would be there to pick up those jerks's pieces and right their wrong instead of them maning up and doing it themselves, and to make that beautiful smile back on Demi's face and the bounce back in her step. Oh by the way if you hadn't already figured it out, the "perfect" guy I was describing I was trying to say that I was the perfect guy for Demi.

I think I would be the perfect guy for Demi; I was raised to be considerate of everyone's feelings whether I liked them or not and was civil to everyone I met. I was also raised by my dad to be a gentlemen to all women, no matter what age,never pressure them to do things they aren't comfortable with doing, never be afraid to show the special girl how much you love them in the same degree as you would in private as you would in the public even if others will think you are gay cause guys aren't suppose to be sensitive, caring, sweet and not afraid to show emotions or any kind cause no women he knew likes a guy who is afriad to share all of himself with the special women in his life. That is how I have tried to be with the women I dated and that is exactly how I will act with Demi, she will be treated like a queen.

Even if Demi isn't really my girlfriend, that doesn't mean that we aren't getting close to acutally and officially going out, for the past 2 months we have been closer then ever. I acutally have scheduled times and dates when I can go see my girl at the treatment centre, now of her other friends have that privilage, where I can go visit her for as long as I want. Man do we have fun even if we can't leave the centre, we stay in the room talking aobut what has happened to both of us that week, me on the "Sonny with a Chance" set and in my perosnal life with my friends and family and Ms Dem on what she leanred in group therapy sessions. Of course I try to keep her updated on the support and love her devoted fans have been giving her.

Then we would play board games like "Apples to Apples" where you were giving a definition and you had to put a card with a word that is either funny or true, card games like "Go Fish" and "Crazy 8's" and make sketches of each other, that is fun also, sititng knee to knee and I get to stare at my angel and it is allowed and she won't get creeped out about it cause it is allowed in this game. I have to admit Demi is a good artist. During our scheduled times, which i like to think of as a date. I mean we are alone, yes we aren't allowed to leave the building but there is a lot of things we can do together to pas the time. During our talks we get to know all about ther other person that even after 3 years we still don't know. I want to know everything aobut my angel so that I know her heart and soul and she knows mine cause couples don't keep secrets of any kind.

And can you say major flirting cause when Demi and me are together there is plenty of flirting being done on both sides. I mean it may be slightly subtle but it is there, in the slight and deliberate touching of the other person's shoulder, hand, leg or back, the leaning really close to the other person when talking so that you can smell the pleasant mint smell of the other's breath and makes you wish that you could have the courage to lean all the way in and kiss them and of course the endearments that just happened to imerse themselves into all our conversations.

I will never pressure Demi into a relationship with me cause I know that her delicate heart is still too fragile to withstand another relationship,even when I know in my heart of hearts will be the forver, live happily ever after kind of love. I will wait for as long as it takes for Demi to be ready for a realtionship with me cause her heart and upmost undevoted love is my ultimate goal as that is what she will get from me; my undying and devoted love from my heart which she stole 3 years ago. So to show everyone in the world that Demi is going to be my true love someday I tweeted: "I found out that "happily ever afters" don't just happen in fairty tales, they happen in real life and I can't wait for mine & my girl's love story to start".