May 04, 2011

A Night to Remember

Dear Diary

OMG I am so happy, no that doesn't even begin to describe how happy I am. Hmm ecstatic maybe, hmm yes that sounds about right. Anyway as I was saying I am so ecstatic with my life right now, I have like a perma grin etched on my face for months now. I think it started when Sterling and I finally took our heads out of the sand and stopped denying our heart's one desire and told each other how we had both been in love with each other for 3 years and how dumb we both were to think that dating other people would get the other person out of our hearts.

My heart felt so lifted and joyful when I heard those 4 wonderful words: "I love you too" coming from the lips of the guy I had been madly in love with for 3 years then it got only better when my eager, willing lips met his even more willing, soft lips. When we kiss, even now, I feel like I'm on a cloud floating high above the Earth listening to angels' singing and playing harps and the Earth is spinning under our feet super duper fast, our kisses are magic.

For the next year, mine and Sterling's love blossomed, as friends we could talk about anything under the sun and that fact didn't changed when we started dating, we could still sit down and talk about anything and we could disagree about stuff, that fact didn't change, we were still comfortable in the fact that we could be ourselves around each other and not have to go through the phase where you and your significant others act the part of the "perfect mate" cause you think that is the way to keep this fragile, still new relationship together which I'm not proud to say I did in my past relationships cause I felt that if I was myself my boyfriend would dump me so I found out the kind of girl that my boyfriend wanted and tried to be that girl.

I felt vindicated that Sterling loved me for me and didn't try to change me into the "perfect girl" for him, like my other boyfriends tried to do which of course worked only for so long before I wised up after a strict talking to from my mom that a boy should love me for me, I would never ask Sterling to change cause I loved him just the way he was, every inch of him.

I also loved the fact that I could be as open as I wanted to when discussing and showing to the public and our fans, I still can't believe that there were people out there who saw through mine and Sterling's facet of "just being friends" and saw our love and waited just as long for us to realize our love and get together, about the fact that I love Sterling with all my heart and being.

In past relationships, I had to censor what I said and showed that was lovey dovey cause it might be interpreted by people who are always coming up with excuses to make up rumours and try to trash relationships that they don't agree with, like people really care about if people outside their families and close friends agree with their relationships, to say that our relationship is totally for public relations, fake and that we don't really love each other, we are just faking it so we wouldn't look like a loser cause we don't have a relationship to show the world.

The rumours that these people start end up costing me my relationship cause the guy ends up punking out and being not comfortable with expressing "affection" when others can see it, dude we don't have to make up in front of people but I do expect to be able to hold your hand, sit close to you and maybe even call you some sort of endearment like "honey" in front of your friends. it is part of dating someone but no the guy ends up listening to his parents and his friends who tell him that I'm too emotional and needy for him so to dump me which of course he does.

Well excuse me if I'm a passionate person who likes to show people how she is feeling about them and life's circumstances, that is how my mother raised me; to not be afraid to show others how I'm feeling. If you want to listen to your friends and family instead of relying on your heart and looking inside it and see how you are feeling about our relationship then fine with me. I need a man who isn't afraid of some people rejecting our relationship, not listen to what others say and not afraid to show me that he loves me too with displays of affection both in public and private the same way.

But God truly blessed me with Sterling. Like any other little girl, I had dreamed about finding my Prince Charming when I was older where we would fall madly in love and live happily ever after. Sterling fit any and all descriptions of what my dream prince would be like; sweet, caring, sensitive, devoted 100% to me and affectionate who isn't afraid to be himself no matter what the circumstances and people around him, isn't afraid to show me any affections, big or small, in the same degree if we were alone or in public ( he is proud to say that he is as much in love with me as I am with him), will be there for me through good times and bad to show me love and support through difficult times and stand up for me when people try to tear me down.

Sterling definitely has shown me that he will never leave me when things get tough or wrong, I mean he was there when I had my meltdown and had to to go to a treatment centre for my low self esteem issues. He visited me like every 2nd week and kept me informed about what was happening in the lives of my true friends and of course made me laugh with his jokes and funny quips. His visits meant the world to be, I put the dates of his visit and count downed to them. Then the day of his visit, I would run around like a chicken with my head cut off making myself as beautiful as I could with my limited supplies, there was only a handful of clothes to choose from, what, who would I dress up for? The doctors, heck no. Then wait impatiently with finger twiddling on my bed until I saw Sterling's handsome face then I would throw myself into his arms hugging the heck out of him and then we would sit down to talk about what is new in our lives.

When I thought that things couldn't get any better, I mean I was dating my best friend and my soul mate and every time Sterling and I were together or I thought of him I felt like I was in a dream and in heaven, oh sure we might have had disagreements just like any other couple I mean how on earth could Sterling ever think that I would even give my jerk of an ex-boyfriend\ex best friend another chance after the pain and humiliation he caused me even if he did finally grow a conscience and apologized for what he did to me that caused my self esteem to drop so that I needed to go to the treatment centre.

I mean I might have thought I loved him after all we had been friends for 3 years so I thought that I knew him enough but it was just puppy love and once my eyes were opened to his true identity those feelings went bye bye. But with Sterling, I know it is true love cause he allows me to be the person I want to be and loves me for me. Plus I have never felt this much love, respect and admiration for any other man I dated before so I know that it is real love. He is the only man I will ever love and see, when we are in a crowd with other guys, he is all I see, I don't even see the other guys even if they blandly flirt with me which I will stop immediately when I tell them that I love my boyfriend very much and I will never cheat on him so hit the road.

I thought something was up when I walked into the kitchen and found Sterling in the middle of what looks like a serious discussion with my mom but I didn't catch any word of what was being said cause as soon as mom saw me she went mute. When I asked mom what Sterling was talking to her about, she just gave me a secret smile and told me that "Good things come to those who wait" then walked away. Hmm that is suspicious but I guess I'll have to wait.

Well I finally found out what my mom and Sterling had been talking about and I have to say it was the best secret ever. Ok so I went to Sterling's place for a homemade dinner, curry chicken, curry noodles and fresh buns, yes my guy can cook and he looks so adorable in his apron that is covered along with his face with dough or flour. Anyway, it took me 4 hours to get dressed in my favourite fuchsia strapless with matching sweater my hair curled and my makeup done so lightly that it seemed like I wasn't wearing any, I knew that Sterling thought I looked gorgeous in a sweatpants but I still wanted to look good for my guy.

Things went normal when I did arrive at his house, we kissed hello, settled down for a candlelight dinner with soft romantic music where we would feed each other bits of food from our forks, I don't care if I get Sterling germs as it is no different then us kissing either way hello germs, in between kisses. Then after dinner and us doing dishes with playful tussles over the tea towel and who will dry the dishes and who will clean the dishes, we held each other tight and just swayed to the music playing softly from the radio, listening to how our heart beats as one as well as our breathing and wishing that this moment of us in each other's arms never ends as we feel like we are in our own bubble.

Sterling suddenly pulled away from me and said that he had the perfect thing to make this night even more memorable, he took my left hand, knelt down (my heart first stopped beating for a second then it beat double time, my palms went all sweaty, my throat went dry like I had been singing for a long time and my voice has had enough work; Sterling couldn't be doing what I thought he was doing? Could he? I mean we had been dating for 3 years so it was possible but is it possible for another dream to come true?) and took a deep breath.

I remember every word of what happens next so I will now tell you every word that was being said: S: "Demi, I have been in love with you for as long as I can remember, probably the day we met on the first table read. I may not have showed it but on the inside I was jelly and it felt like my brain was sending out two different signals; one that told my hands and mouth what to do and say to you and the other part was telling me not to drool and stumble over my words and feet in front of this beautiful young women.

I thought you were the most gorgeous girl in the entire world and that thought and feeling hasn't changed over the years I have known you; I was happy to soon find out that you were not only gorgeous on the outside but also gorgeous on the inside. I could write a three page back to front of all the qualities that I love about you but that would take too long so I will give you the short version. I love your sensitivity to others and their feelings, your kindness to both people you know and those you don't, how much you care about your fans, close and true friends, family and me, your sweetness and adorableness when you are being all dorky and goofy which I also love and finally how you didn't let your huge fame, cause baby you are so talented in anything you do, go to your head so you are still the down to earth, genuine young women that your mom raised.

I promise that from this moment on I will try my hardest to show you that I love you more then anything in this world and will do anything for you, if it makes you happy and feel loved then I will be more then happy to obloge your every wish. I'll always be there for you through good and bad times to give you support, love, a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on cause if you are unhappy then so am I. Plus I love your million watt smile and melodious laughter and I will do anything, even if it makes me look stupid in front of you, if it makes you happy then I will do it. I will make you feel as loved as you have made me the past 3 years if you would make me the happiest man on earth if you would agree to be my wife. So Ms Demetria Devonne Lovato will you marry me?"

M: (my mouth went wide as well as my eyes as I gazed down at the beautiful diamond ring being presented to me and the hopeful and the love gaze of my one true love. What else could I say but ) "Yes a million times yes. I''ll be your wife"

Then of course we continued to slow dance complete with loads of more kisses and talks about how we want our future to be, I felt so comfortable being in my new fiance's arms, man I can't believe that Sterling is one day, hopefully soon, going to be my husband and we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. I can't wait to tell our friends, family and fans. What a wonderful night to remember.

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