Ok so the drama that is enfolding me on this dam tour is starting to get me down on myself and start to believe that I'm nobody who only is famous because I wrote some good songs in the past so I guess it is time for me to call one of my best friends and the guy I have been secretly in love with for like 3 years.
What like I previously said Sterling is sweet, caring, sensitive, romantic ( I can't count how many times he has let me cuddle in his lap like a child while stroking my hair as I bawl into his shirt like a baby, kissed my forehead, called me sweet endearments like honey, sweetie and babe) ,supportive of me 100% no matter what mistakes I make in my lifetime and even more supportive these past few months with the Joe break-up,makes me laugh, makes his friends, fans and family #1 in his life, likes me for me and I know wouldn't try to change me to suit his purpose. Now doesn't that just spell Prince Charming to you?
I know that I'm not 100% ready to go into another relationship so soon after a public, messy and dirt slinging, on his side, break-up. I need to sit down with my own heart and feelings and come up with a list of what I want and expect my next relationship and what kind of guy I'm looking for, though I pretty much listed my dream guy qualities and since they pretty much described Sterling, I think I might have found my dream man.
If by some chance Sterling feels the same way I do, which is like 50\50, then I want us to keep our relationship on the down low with us hanging out in private, not that I'm ashamed to be seen with Sterling in public, I just don't want the media to know about us until we are ready to let the world and our fans know and that we are sure about our relationship and that our feelings run deeper then close friendship.
It will be kind of romantic if we date secretly with private, romantic dates where we can talk about everything under the sun and be 100% comfortable with each other and our displays of affection, not that when we hang out now it is uncomfortable cause I could hang out with Sterling doing nothing but sitting and talking and still have fun and don't get me started on how I feel when Sterling strokes my hair, kisses my forehead, holds my hand or calls me honey. Ok so when Sterling is romantic like that I feel all mushy, gooey inside like I'm melting from the inside, I feel like it is only Sterling and me in our own bubble and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world that I major sweetie is paying attention to me.
It shows that Sterling loves me for me and not because I'm popular with the tweens, both boys and girls, not to brag, and is willing to put my feelings first before his own wants,needs and opinions. He will only do or say things after he knows that I'm ok with what he is about to do, like if I want to want to announce us in a relationship then he won't pressure me into saying yes until I'm ready. He will be proud to show the world how much he truly loves me and will have no qualms saying that he's my boyfriend, hmm I like the sound of that. Did I mention that Sterling is a gentlemen?
Now that I have spent the last 5 sentences gushing about my Sterling ;), hey I'm a women in love so sue me, I will tell you what our conversation was like:
S: "Hey gorgeous girl. How are you?
D: Hey. I'm ok, still sick of all the drama here. I would quit if it wasn't for the knowledge that I have you guys and my loyal, devoted fans who not only love me but have been supporting me through the entire tour. You guys are the ones who keep me holding onto my last thread of strength and on this tour. I don't know what I would do without you guys. Oh listen to me, I'm getting all gushy. Anyway why didn't you guys come backstage so we could hang out? I was waiting for you guys.
S: Sorry we missed you tonight but Mr Big Scary Security Guard wouldn't let us by for fear we would "distract" you. We wouldn't have distracted you, all we wanted was some of your amazing hugs, a beautiful smile that always brightens our day and nights and some of your precious time. That sucks about the drama still being there sweetie as you don't deserve it. But keep the thought of me, Tiff, B-Fresh, Dougie as well as those people whose lives you touched with your warm personality and beautiful music all who will always love and support you through everything you go through. You're never alone. We love you.
D: Aww Knight that is so sweet and I will definitely keep that in mind. I know you guys would never distract me, if anything you guys would have been a wonderful distraction to me but hey Justin was just going by his orders so can't really blame him. I love you guys too. I have decided that I'm not going to let the drama and that girl get to me.
S: Oh really? And how are you going to do that hon? Good girl, no one deserves to be treated like you have been treated but it is a good that you are standing up to them. That is the feisty women I know.
D: Well this feisty women is going to try to ignore the nasty comments being slung at me from all sides. It's going to be hard cause they sting like anything but if I ignore them then maybe that person will see that she can't push people around with childish comments and behaviours and stop bullying me. That is my hope. And if it is hard to ignore them, then I will just walk away to talk to you to let out my feelings.
S: Well Dr Knight is always open to hear a beautiful girl's worries, no matter what time of day or night it is. I like your suggestions but may I make some suggestions I found worked with my fellow bullies?
D: Sure Dr Knight. ;)
S: Hmm I like the sound of that. Anyway, when I was in middle grade and was being teased, I found that if I thought in my mind what I could be doing instead of being teased, which would have been anything from homework to dishes, or even thinking about what I had to do when I got home that I would forget that I was being teased. It worked, the bullies would notice that I wasn't paying attention to them and walk away cause they didn't get the reaction they wanted. Another one that is a lot funnier is to picture them talking funny, like going "Blah blah" or like the chipmunks, man is it funny when they laugh it's so high pitched and hilarious that you can't help but laugh, and if you start laughing then the bullies will be like "What the heck, here we are insulting this loser and he is laughing at something. He isn't suppose to be laughing, he is suppose to be crying his eyes off and running to his mommy" and get mad at you and you can be like "Oh I'm just laughing about something I thought about while you guys were pointlessly teasing me". It will totally make them mad.
D: (laughing my head off) That is hilarious and it really works? Interesting I might try that on my bullies and see if it works. Thanks for the suggestions SK. So what's happening with the rest of the gang this week?
S: Where do I begin? Well of course Doug and Brandon got me good this week by waking me up by blaring your "Work of Art" full blast in my ear, I'm pretty sure they deafened me. I woke up hitting my head on the floor as I fell off the couch cause I was tangled in the sheets, another prank by them as they taped the blanket around me like a cocoon. Tiffany and I had an interview with Pop star and we talked about the new episode, you know the one where Marshall doing his horrible one man show, what our dreams and aspirations for the future are, some of the many pranks that Aly, Dougie and B-Fresh play on us, ok mostly me, and some random facts about us, like if Tiff had a book she would call it Twifferdoodle. Other then that,nothing new with us.
D: Well you have to admit that Dougie and Brands' prank was a little but funny. It might not have been funny then but it is a little funny now. I bet you looked incredibly silly with major bed head and a "deer in the headlights" look on your face. Brand and Dougie were probably busting a gut laughing and they only prank you cause they love you like a brother and all siblings tease one another, I can vouch for that as I have an younger sister who is always razes me about little stuff I do like she says that she is surprised that the phone hasn't been glued to my ear for the amount of time I'm on it with you guys. Tifferdoodle, sounds like a yummy desert then a book title. Hey isn't that what Tiffers' mom calls her? I would totally read any books that you guys write or have written about you, to see how accurate they are of course. As much as I love talking to you cause I miss you guys. Next time we should have a conference call with all our friends so we can all talk at the same time. I'm tired so I'm going to sign off now but I'll definitely call you tomorrow night around this time. Kay?
S: Well (pauses for a second for dramatic effect) I guess I should let Sleeping Beauty get her beauty sleep, not that she needs it. We miss you too, a whole lot. The set isn't the same without our little ball of Demishine there brightening our days. Just to warn you, as soon as you come home I'm kidnapping you cause I need my Demi time or Sterling go nuts. You better call me tomorrow night lady or I'll text your phone like crazy until you answer. I guess the boys' prank was a little funny, i would probably laugh just as hard if it was someone else they were pranking. Well since I loved them as brothers too, I guess I better think of ways to get them back. Keep tuned for the update on that. I would buy any books either one of my friends write with a personalized autograph of course or about them, even though I think I know everything there is to know about you and our friends. I like the conference call thing. Sweet dreams Dem Dem.
After we hung up, I had a megawatt smile on my face that I seem to get every time I think or talk to Sterling, man do I have it bad, and I was walking on air as I dressed in my PJs, brushed my teeth, checked the doors to make sure they were locked, set my alarm and climbed into my big comfy bed dreaming about my plan for tomorrow will be and what I hope would happen when I put this plan in action. I love talking to Sterling, he always makes me feel loved, happy and calms my fears and insecurities.
Well good night diary.
Dem Dem Lovato
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