(Sighs dreamily) I have just returned to my room after making sure that my eyes never left the back of Sterling's car as he drives away from our too short of a visit. I missed him, our friends and my family during the visit to the treatment centre, the people at the center were nice and were very helpful in terms of helping me deal with my emotional issues of being bullied both in elementary school and also since I became famous since I didn't fit into the "Hollywood" mold of being perfect,size 0 with no personality of my own but let the media to tell me what I had to say and do 24\7 so of course the media and the fans who hate for no reason other then I am my own person who isn't afraid to speak my mind and be my own person. My mom raised me to be warm, friendly, genuine, down to earth, hard-working young women so that is the type of person I am trying to be.
My friends and family tried to stay as much in contact with me as they could with the center's limited outside access rule which I love. I missed them so much, I don't think I have ever gotten used to not being able to call down the hall to talk to my mom or walk around the house only to find Maddie sitting on the couch watching cartoons or even knowing that Sterling and Tiffany are only a text away for hours long conversations. I maybe sorting through what friends are true and loyal friends, friends who will stand by my side through the good times and bad and not just be using me to get more famous; I'm not gonna tell you how many of my so called friends have abandoned me for "them" but I think i have found what true friends I have and Sterling is definitely one of those friends.
As well as being one of my best friends, Sterling is also the man of my dreams. I swear I fell instantly in love with Sterling the moment our eyes met. He shook my hand and said the usual pleasantries and I felt the spark between us plus he was one of the most handsome guy I had ever met.
As I got to know him I found him to be just so sweet, gentle, kind and caring that I shouldn't have been surprised that I would have fallen for him so hard. He was so different then any other guy I met, he actually didn't care about fame or being noticed by the media, his main focus was his friends, family and of course his fans and living his life to the fullest.
As I said before, Sterling is such a gentlemen, when I was doubting myself because of something I read online or after a break-up from a guy who was a mistake to date, we found out we had nothing in common with each other and had no more then friendly feelings for he hugged me, stroking my back and hair and whispering in my ear about all my wonderful qualities and how any guy would be dumb not to fall in instantly in love with me and that the media will post any stories they can in order to get money and Sterling would stay with me for as long as he could. Whenever we leave, even if it is for one scene I would get a hug, hmm I love his hugs and touches.
When Sterling and I would play fight, he never used his whole strength on me, man do I love being in his strong, warm, snugly arms even if he was tickling me to the point where I feel I can't breathe because I'm laughing so hard and trying to get away from him. We can talk about anything under the sun for hours and still have something to talk about when ne next meet, even though it might have only been a day since we last talked.
I know in my heart of hearts that Sterling would do anything to make me smile and happy, he does the smallest sweetest things that he knows will make me feel loved, like setting up a movie night to watch Camp Rock 2 when it came on TV with our friends in our PJs to show me that he is super supportive of my career, or sending me an adorable funny and sweet text message on those days where I need a smile. He may play a jerk on TV but not in real life.
My love for Sterling has grown over the last 3 years especially when "Chad" and "Sonny" started dating, i mean finally the audience saw the side of Sterling portrayed by "Chad" on screen, him being all adorably dorky, romantic, sweet and doing romantic things for his girlfriend cause he isn't afraid to show how much he loves his girlfriend to the public, that made me fall madly in love with him.
Plus I got to be held tightly into those big strong arms of his, breathing in his "Old Spice"" scent of his aftershave and body wash and touch through those soft clothing his soft, smooth skin which I always got a thrill doing and made sure that I got a taste of that thrill each and everyday as much as I could.
I can't believe that I dated other guys, most of them were sweethearts. There was nothing wrong with them, we just weren't compactable with each other and were better of as friends. My last relationship, he wasn't even worth mentioning or going into detail about how wrong it was for us to date cause it was one of the biggest mistake I ever made. But none of these guys could hold a candle to Sterling, he was my dream man, I could only hope and pray that no other girl realized what a total sweetheart he is and take him away from me until I could tell him how much I love him and take a shot at my own happily ever after.
I know that if Sterling and I did start dating, I would take 3 hours to find the "perfect" dress and to make sure that my make-up and accessories make me look so gorgeous cause I don't want to look frumpy in front of my Knight in Shinning Armour. I would bug my mom mercilessly by asking her for each dress which one she liked best and which earrings went with particular pair of shoes and then how should do I do my hair etc. Before the date my mom and Maddie would probably want to seriously kill me, though they would be thrilled that I finally told Sterling about my love for him cause he is all they have heard me gush about for the past 3 years.
During the date, I would be totally nervous, as nervous as when I auditioned for "Sonny with a Chance" in the first place, I would probably stutter, fiddle with my fingers and resist the urge to stare mindlessly at Sterling's handsome face by thinking of dinner topics, though in my head I will be thinking "He is adorable" and whatever he is saying or doing will become immensely adorable to my love sick eyes. I probably won't eat much cause once again i will be staring lovingly at Sterling, poor Sterling will probably think he has something on his a face by the amount of staring i will do.
I will probably have to admit my love for him right there in the restaurant so Sterling doesn't think I'm like a mindless, drooling zombie and get uneasy and nervous around me that I will jump him or follow him around the studio like a lovesick puppy. After that, if he love same as much as I love him, he will confess his true feelings for me, we will kiss, continue to stare lovingly at each other (not eating or drinking anything) during the entire dinner then live happily ever after. God i miss Sterling and we just talked like 20 minutes ago.
Man I miss Demi so much and we just left each other's presence like hour ago. Then again I have missed her for like the past 2 months she was in the treatment centre, even though I have tried to visit her as much as I could in those months. I missed her hundred watt beautiful smile that shines through sadness and pain, her gorgeous face that always puts a smile on my face and makes me want to spread that love around and her beautiful down to earth, genuine, sweet, sensitive and caring personality.
When Demi went into the centre my days were filled with gray clouds and sad faces around the studio, I was not the only one who missed Demi dearly, the rest of the cast and crew missed the young women who brought sunshine and laughter into their lives and with one smile, a bought of adorable, musical laughter, a warm, snugly hug or even a word of encouragement made their day so much better or at least that is what happens to me.
I actually counted down the days and hours until I could see and talk to her again. I even wrote down all the things I wanted to tell her and questions I wanted to ask her; like are the people at the centre treating her nice? When is she getting out? etc. so that when I was staring lovingly at her gorgeous face and listening to her melodic voice I would have something to remember what I wanted to talk to her about so that the list will rejog my memory and I didn't look or sound dumb in front of my sweetie.
I feel so bad that some individuals who had nothing better to do then to ruin someone else's image and reputation by spreading gossip and lies through the whole worldwide web but I'm so glad that Dem Dem has such awesome, truthful, loyal, loving and supportive fans who rallied against those people and stood up for my girl as well as her closest, true friends, no like those "people" who have no heart and ditched my sweet angel because she had some emotional issues from years of being bullied to deal with, well excuse me but who says that you're perfect cause you aren't. At least she knows who her real friends are and can get on with her life after she leaves the center to have the life I know she is destined to be.
Every time Demi mentioned dating another guy my heart would break into a million little pieces and I could actually feel my world crumble underneath my feet but I did my "best friend" duty and tried to seem happy for her. I mean, I know that Demi is not only the most gorgeous young women I have ever met but she also has a beautiful personality as well; she is sweet, sensitive, caring, down to earth, genuine, talented (I love listening to her heart-warming, touching, personal songs).
I listen to her CDs almost every night or as my mom is says I'm having my "Demi time" where I listen to her songs and daydream she is lying beside me and I'm holding her in my arms singing to her softly. My mom says that when I'm in my Demi daydream nothing can shake me from it and believe me she has tried several times to get my attention when I'm watching "Sonny with a Chance" on TV and staring like a mindless, love sick puppy complete with drool at Demi, thank mom I love you too.
So why would I be the only guy who noticed Demi in a romantic light. As happy as I was when things with my
Demi and the guy went sour I hated the way that the breakup had taken the light out of her eyes and the sunshine from her voice and personality. Accroding to me, if the guy had done something to take anything away from the beautiful person I had fallen in love with then he wasn't the right guy for her anyway. Demi needs a guy who will love every bit of her personality and won't ask her to change for anything, he will make her want to be a better person then she already is and will make that beautiful personality i mentioend before shine even brighter then it already does.
Since I was just her friend, I had to comfort her with lots of hugs, strokes of her silky hair and murmurs of reassurance that nothing was wrong with her and that her ex was just not the right guy for her and was stupid for dumping her. I pretty much went out of my way to make sure that her beautiful smile was back on her face and she was my little sunshine again whatever it took to do that or as long as it would take for I wasn't 100% happy until she was happy. It made me even happier if I was the one to make her happy.
I was thrilled when "Chad" and "Sonny" dated, that means I was able to show my sweet, sensitive, slightly dorky and romantic side to the women of my dreams onscreen. That means I got to hold her tightly in my arms, breathe in her floral scent and touch her silky skin on her shoulders and back even if it is through her soft clothing
Every time I see Demi I want to gather her small, lithe body in my arms, look deep into those chocolate pools of loveliness and confess my heart's one wish; that I have been in love with her since our eyes first met and have fallen even deeper in love with her every time I see her.
Then when the night of our first date I would be a total nervous wreck, trying on like so many outfits for 3 hours bugging my mom like crazy by asking her for every outfit what she thinks. I want to be casual yet dressing enough so my Demi knows how much effort I put into impressing her. Then during the date, I would have to force myself not to stare mindlessly at her face and drool over her cause I'm pretty sure my thoughts will be like "Oh man she is adorable" and think that everything she says and does is adorable and my palms will be so sweaty that i will be constantly rubbing them off on my pants so that if I get the urge to hold Demi's hand I won't be embarassed by a river in my palm.
If Demi hadn't already noticed that I was madly in love with her then I'm sure me not eating or drinking very much will give it away cause I can't seem to tear my eyes from her lovely face, evne though that is a normal habit when she is in the room acording to our dear friends and will stutter my words as she tries to bring me into conversation but all my poor lovesick brain can think to say is "I love you" and if I say that then I will have to spill every little lovesick detail it has carried around for the last 3 years. Then Demi and i can kiss and start our happily ever after. Man does that sound amazing. It is only been a hour and already I want to talk to and see her again.