March 13, 2012

Daddy's Little Girl is in Love

This is the period of years I was dreading since the day Heaven decided to bestow me and my loving and beautiful Lizzie with an angel to care for, treasure every inch of her from her tiny little toes that beg you to kiss each one to the top of her silky brown haired head and love her for the beautiful, caring,loving, sweet young woman who wants to use her talents and gifts to help others that we knew this little sweetie would grow up to be.

The other moms and dads to be were right; one look into your child's eyes and you fall instantly in love with your child even though to be perfectly honest all parents fall in love with their child from the first ultersound picture where you see the peanut shape of your growing child to the first kick that is hard enough for outsiders to feel. The love just grows stronger when you actually see the little man and lady that you and the woman you love created in person.

When Lizzie told me she was pregnant with our daughter, i was over the moon. I had always dreamed about finding my soulmate and starting a family and since I had found my Lizzie, I was thrilled my next dream was coming true. I didn't care what gender our child would be; if the baby was a boy Lizzie would get a mommy's boy and me a little playmate though either way I would hope that me and my child would have something in common so we can enjoy spending time together.

I was thrilled when I found out I was having a girl. It meant that I would have a Daddy's girl, someone who will have my heart, someone I will do everything I could to make sure they are happy, content in life, all their dreams come true and feel as loved as any human being ever could. Just like with her mommy who i loved with all my heart and soul.

I was there for all the kicks, doctors appointments, ultrasounds and midnight cravings. The moment baby Allyson appeared into the world like a gift from heaven crying her lungs out about being forced into the cold, unfamilar world from the warm, cuddly paradise that she has gotten used to for the last 9 months I forgot about the last 14 hours of labour and the immense pain that Lizzie went through giving birth to our daughter.

Ally was the most gorgeous person in my life,besides her mommy of course, and the most beautiful baby I had ever seen, though I have to admit I'm a bit biased. Even though she was govered in goop, I could already tell that she was going to be a beautiful child with her head full of dark brown hair and murky blue eyes that I hoped would turn to her momy's beautiful dark chocolate eyes.

Being like the usual new daddy, I followed the nurses around the room as they cared for my little sweetheart, getting her cleaned up and wrapped into a nice cozy blanket with a hat to keep her warm before she got to have some snuggle time with her mommy and me. I felt connected to Ally like a tractor beam plus I had to make sure my little honey was being well taken care of.

When Lizzie finally had Ally in her arms and we were both staring deeply into her beautiful murky blue eyes, counting each one of her little fingers and toes to make sure they were all there and touching every inch of silky baby soft skin we could without unwrapping the blanket. The whole world disappeared as we soaked in as much family time as we could before the nurses whisked Ally away to the nursey.

The next 4 years went by like I was living a dream. It seemed like all of my dreams came true; I was married to the woman of my dreams, had a job as a server at Montana's,had a nice, comfortable home that was always filled with family and close friends , memories, love and joy, and I had a beautiful and healthy daughter. What more could I ask for?

During that time I had the privilage of watching my beautiful baby girl grow up and experience the world and all its happy and depressing moments. I have to admit that I become one of those dads who walked an inch behind their daughters fearfully of every scrap, bruise, bump and anything or anyone that could hurt my little sweetie.

When Ally's big doe eyes well up with tears and run down those proclein cheeks, her rosebud lips quiver with pent up sadness that threatens to spill out and she casts those sad eyes at me pleading for me to do something to make her sadness go away I would pretty much do anything to bring back that smile that melts my heart and makes it feel like it is flying.

When Ally was born, I half joked but was half serious that when Ally grew to a teenager, I would lock her in a room and never let her date until she turns 24 cause, like her mommy, she would be drop dead gorgeous and I would have to do a thourgh investigation of any boys who were man enough to come up to me to ask me if they can date my daughter before letting Ally date any guy who I feel have the same values and beliefs that I raised Ally with.

Ally's young life made a traumatic turn when she was 4 , her mom was killed on her job as a Crime Scene Investigator when a suspect came back to the crime scene to clean up the mess from his crime and caught my sweetheart picking up evidence to catch him. Even though my heart was breaking as the realization that the love of my life is forever gone, I had to be strong for my young child who was grieving at her beloved mommy dying.

Then if life couldn't get any worse, I lost my job at the restaurant cause of the amount of time I had to say no to extending my hours after an 10 hour shift and for coming in to cover someone else's shift the morning I'm suppose to be there.

Luckily dad retired the next month so I took over the family business, Sonic Boom even though I had no idea, beyond the basics, about musical instruments. It is a job and I guess it really helped strengthen my little girl's love of music which is a good thing cause i have always taught Ally to strive to reach her dreams and never give up on the things that matter the most to her.

When Ally went to Kindergarden, her love of music skyrocked. She enjoyed listening and singing along to her Disney classics and Princesses' songs, she could listen to the same CDs over and over again and never get bored of it. But when she was in school, she started writing songs herself, they started off as little ditties which turned into cute little songs about random things like the Butterfly Song.

Even though I do think my little angel is really talented with writing songs from the heart about what she wants to express about herself to the world but is too scared to say it out loud. I didn't want my girl to waste all her effots, hopes and dreams in an one a billizon chance of making it in a business that seems to not honor true talent but focuses on beauty, thinness and making people change themselves to the industries' wims.

So yes I admit that I discourage Ally to make her music big and known to the world. I know that sounds super mean and not something a loving parent should do; parents should be encouraging their children to live their dreams and teach them that they can do anything they set their minds to, not discourage them from reaching their dreams.

But to be honest; I'm selfish, since Lizzie died, Ally become my everything, my life and the reason I got up in the morning and if I lost her to the music industry and their way of changing someone with values and belief to a diva who thinks the world owes them something, my world would crumble.

The other way my heart would break is when my Ally finds her soulmate, I mean I may be her dad but even I know that I raised a young lady who is beautiful inside and out, caring, sweet, dedicated to the people most important to her like family and friends, down to earth, talented, adorabley dorky in a way that is guaranteed to make people smile and is overall a complete sweetheart that any guy would have to be crazy not to fall instantly with love with her.

Growing up Ally had the usual girlie crushes over guys who I felt weren't worth the time and attention of my sweetheart. But Ally takes after me, kind of uncomfortable in her own skin to where she doesn't show her whole true self to anyone except for those people closest to her and who she can fully trust like with Austin, Trish and Dez.

Both Ally and me are so shy to show our true selves to others in case they don't like the real us and emtionally turn away from us or bully us into changing to fit the people they feel we should be. When that happens, we retreat farther into ourselves and swear we will never put our hearts out there again for awhile. It had taken me years to realize that Lizzie had been flirting with me cause I had not been Mr Popular in high school and there was no way a girl would be interested in me.

When Ally had a crush on someone, she would become a wreck of rambling, nervous laughter and following the guy around like a little lost puppy. The guy would take advantage of my girl's affections making her do their homework, carry their books and do their assignments while promising dates that never come to be.

The worst thing is that the boys would end up pushing their girlfriends in Ally's face and embarass her in front of the school by saying that they would never date a loser and a nobody like her. And who would be there to comfort her for hours on end, rubbing her back and telling her that she is worth more then those boys think and one day she'll meet her Mr Right who will love every inch of her, me, Trish then Dez and Austin.

Most people think I'm an absentee father cause I always seem to be out on conventions both work related or personal. But I believe I am a good father who is observant to what is going on in the #1 person in his life and how she's feeling. So I'm not totally blind to the real life love story happening daily in front of me.

When I first met Austin, I thought he was going to be the typical rockstar, mean, crude, diva like, selfish and only cares about money and his physical appearence then writing a song that comes from the depth of his heart to inspire them to reach for their own dreams. I was kind of right about him after he "borrowed" one of my Ally's songs and made into a overnight internet sensation that got him on a talk show.

That was my dream for Ally; to be able to share her wonderful songs to more people then just me and have someone else appreciate her songs. I knew that will never happen unless she gets over her staggering, sometimes crippling stage fright so she needs someone besides Trish and me to help her get over that fright and encourage her to show her true self to the world cause I know they'll fall in love with her.

My opinon of Austin changed when he not only apologized to Ally but tried, with disasterious results, to get my sweetheart's face and name known the public as a talented songwriter on the "Helen Show". He seemed genuine in wanting to be my daughter's friend, partner in songwriting and help her get over her stage fright.

The saying "Don't judge a book by its cover" rang true with Austin, I soon discovered that I was totally wrong about Austin; he did have his conceited moments but he was also a huge dork, especially when he was around my girl and Dez, puts his family and friends first in his life, is ambitious, has the same life's dream as Ally and has a soft and sweet spot reserved for my Ally.

It seems like Ally is always coming home with a huge smile on her face that won't come off no matter what I say and do, it stays on permenantly for the rest of the night. Then when I ask her what is with the huge smile, I get Ally's usual adorable but long rambling but this time it is about what sweet, adorable and nice things Austin did that day complete with all the gushing, million dollar smile and lovestruck eyes that comes with being head over heels in love.

I know that since Ally was obviously in love I had to keep my eyes on Austin to make sure he is the right boy for my Ally and is treating her like she should be treated, like his equal and someone to love and protect with all his heart and soul. So I became like a secret agent, I pretend to be in my office doing tedious paperwork but really I'm hiding behind musical instruements seeing what moments I can see between my daughter and her possible suitor.

The moments I saw myself made even a grown man like me go "aww" and melt. Austin might be a rockstar but I soon learn that he is a rockstar who is a sweet and caring person who isn't afraid to tell with loads of emotion and truth how much his friends, mostly Ally, mean to him and how he values having them in his life.

I can't tell you how many times I have overheard Austin telling Ally how he wouldn't have a career or fans without her wonderful songs and how she is one of his closest and bestest friends with whom he can share anything and everything about himself, things he might not even tell his parents, with. I can see my girl's heart melt through those chocolate pools as her proclein skin showed spots of pure pink at Austin's touching words everytime they have that conversation.

No matter how much Ally protests about being in the spotlight and letting people see the woman behind the music , Austin insists on letting anyone who will listen who is responsbile for the songs he performs. He gives credit to Ally as much as he can say at the beginning of each concert and whenever he gets the chance.

His ideas of getting Ally comfortable with performing in front of people may be crazy and anyone can see will not work out as planned but the main thing is that he is trying to help my sweetheart any chance he gets. My girl's happiness is a main priority for Austin and that is what a dad likes to hear.

I was thrilled to find out that Austin is a man who is raised with the same values and morals as Ally. He did like touching my daughter's arms, shoulders, leg or just grab her petite form into a hug where his arms stay around her lower back for more minutes then people who are just best friends should hug whenever he can.

But Austin never and would never go past the point where Ally felt uncomfortable or felt pressured to do things that she has been told is not appropriate before marriage. Austin just felt a pull towards Ally, he needed to be near her, be surrounded by her attention and angelic brightness or he'd be sad and unenergetic.

I knew that Austin loves Ally just as much as she loves him, their faces brightens like a lightbulb suddenly went on in their hearts when they see the other person, when someone mentions them briefly or when they see or experience things that remind them of the other person.

An example of this is when I took Ally out for ice cream for some father-daughter time, her beautiful smile went wide and her almond eyes sparkled when the guy asked her if she wanted to make her single scoop of ice cream into a sundae. Ok not sure what a sundae has in common with Austin but I'm pretty sure that he is the reason Ally was so smiley.

My daughter and Austin's relationship, both as best friends and people who are secretly in love, reminds me of mine and my Lizzie's relationship before we were married. The longing glances into the other's eyes where the rest of the world disappears and then you both silently looking away, afraid that your love is being reflected into your eyes and the other person can see it, the instant of holding onto the other's hand, it is like a reflex when near the person.

Another reflex that Austin and Ally share is grabbing the other into a hug and sweet little endearments, the words "honey", "babydoll" and "sweetie" ,seem to slip out in conversations without the person's knowledge and when they realize what they said thier faces go bright red and eyes are adverted.

Watching Austin and Ally together being all adorable, and this is coming from a daddy who loves and adores his daughter and never wants her to transfer her love to anyone but him so that me liking Austin with my daughter is saying a lot, makes me smile, believe in young love and want to have a little chat with Austin.

Don't worry guys and girls, I may have a gruff, straight the point, "what are your intentions with my daughter?" and a "mess with my daughter or make her cry or hurt her in anyway and you'll deal with me" kind of attitude during the meeting but inside I will be happy that my daughter might have found the love that me and her mom had in her own life.

I may not want my little girl to love someone other then me, I want to keep her as my little daddy's girl for as long as I can cause before Austin I felt that I was the only man who could ever love her the way she deserves to be love, unconditionally and with my whole heart and soul.

But I have this feeling that I can trust the most important person in my life to Austin. Now how to approach him and ask him to meet with me without Ally knowing what I'm doing or I'll have a daughter who is mad at me for making one of her best friends uncomfortable for no reason she can understand.

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